Fine Print Press

i eat falafel in my car, packed outside my house with my seatbelt still on. i worry that there's mayonaisse on it, and i feel like a jerk for being a vegan. i feel like a jerk about my pronouns. i write haikus in my head to ground myself during extreme moods; it's almost compulsive. i wrote a lot today, but i remember none of them. i remember them being better than what i'm writing now, but you know how memory works. your brain applies a filter, adjusts brightness, and then types out "#nofilter" before deleting the original.

I smoke like a fucking chimney. Like it was in style, went out of style, and came back for blood. Like breathing. --Gasp-- And I inhale like a motherfucker, like a motherfucker gasping; because I smoke like I don't want to die but like I live like I do --Gasp--

I was sitting in the waiting room of my gynecologist, being (lack of) baby-shamed by all the creepy portraits of infants and toddlers wearing diapers and top hats, when a show of the "I think my wife is cheating on me and I don't think that child is mine" variety came on. Those kinds of trashy daytime shows are very entertaining to watch in settings where people in the same room have very limited interaction. You often find yourself in a situation in which, evey now and then, you hear a cynical "mmhmmm..." or "Ooh, if that were my husband...I'd beat his ass" - to which you, by universal code of civility, must acknowledge with an "I hear you, sister" or a more typical "I know, right?"

It was not simply to increase coffee consumption, alcohol consumption, soda consumption, (to say nothing of chocolate demand, pharmaceutical demand...), but also to decrease water demand just enough so people would drink coffee, beer, and soda when they might have otherwise had water.