May 8, 2020

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — It’s only a matter of time before the courtroom becomes an octagon where participants don boxing gloves instead of three piece suits.

“In today’s day and age, that kind of affront just won’t do.”

The Fainting Goat Offense Lawsuit

A man stands on a corner of a busy crosswalk in a busy neighborhood of a bustling city.

— Am I number one!?

Number One

Hi, this is your life advice coach speaking, and, speaking from personal experience, you’re in a rut right now aren’t you? Struggling to get out of bed? Staying in the shower a little too long? I understand. I’ve been there; we’ve all been there.

What to do when you’re too depressed with the world to function as a living human being

Surrounded by nothing but the occasional brave passerby, I could hardly contain myself and fell to my knees, enraptured by its splendor, and lamented for Elysium.

The strength of its composition, its insight, its profundity!

Le Petite (the Little)

Coronado (noun) — A ‘resort city’ in California outside of San Diego.

My Croatian friend Zlata and I planned a trip to Coronado island but canceled when it was discovered that the Coronavirus had infected all the dogs on the island.

A Preface on the Study of Corona Prefixes, or, True stories from a Dictionary

“Well this side feels much better than the other whereas on my bed, it’s the other way around.”

In his musings, Semyon failed to notice a woman, tall and rather pale, standing at the foot of the bed.

Matthew Portman

Selected work